I am no longer the things of my past...I am the daughter of the Great I AM.

Exodus 3:14
And God said to Moses, "I AM WHO I AM." And He said, "Thus you shall say to the children of Israel, 'I AM has sent me to you.'"
2 Corithians 6:18
I will be a Father to you, and you shall be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

A Mixture of Regret and Relief

I turned 41 on Saturday, and I spent the day wondering if I were pregnant or not. Not what most 41 year olds are contemplating on their birthday, huh? I was a week late, and that is very uncommon for me. I took a pregnancy test on Friday. There was supposed to be a plus or a minus show up in the result window and a vertical line in the control window. There was a minus in the result window, which means no pregnancy, but there was no line in the control window. This left me wondering if the test was accurate or faulty.

I spent Saturday thinking of all the changes that would take place if I were pregnant. I have a 10 year old, and a 5 year old. I am well past the diaper stage, and I get to sleep all night most nights. I am also well past the being able to cuddle my babies in my arms, rock them, sing to them, just hold them close. A baby would change our routines completely. I could imagine both good and not so good changes. I spent the day trying to figure out how I would manage Ethan's golf tournaments with a baby? How would Erin handle not being the baby of the family any more? Which child would share a room with the baby, and how would I arrange the crib in the room? I started thinking of baby names... I have set a pattern with the initials ELE... Ethan Lane, and Erin Lee. Did I want to continue this, or go completely different?

I am not concerned about my age or my health, but I do know that we do not have maternity insurance. However, I also know that God would provide. Finally, I remembered something God told me several months ago. I had been talking to Him about my children, and told Him that I sometimes regret only having two. He spoke to my spirit, and told me that He hadn't told me I was through. I'm not sure what that means, but I trust His plans.

So, on Sunday it was confirmed that I am not pregnant. I was praising God for having an answer. Then I was left with both regret and relief. I don't know what God has planned for our future, but I do know that He has a plan for me, Jason, and our children ... whether that is two or more.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Birthday Bloggin'

Today is my birthday! I am overwhelmed with the number of calls, texts, and facebook posts I have received today. They are all such blessings to me. As I have celebrated my day, I have thought back over the last 41 years. I have come to a couple of conclusions...

First, I have made a lot of really STUPID decisions in my life.

Second, and most important, God has been loving, protecting, showing favor, and blessing me every step of the way. Even during those times that I didn't know He was there, He was. He is faithful.

Over the last 10 years, I have truly delighted in the Lord, and though not always perfect, I have grown ever closer to my God. I have been able to recognize His hand is every situation. Even those that I created with my stupid choices.

The years prior to that, I was not seeking God first. I was seeking whatever I wanted first. There are a few situations I look back on and realize now that were it not for the grace of God, I would not be here. It is these times that I am most thankful that God has always had a plan for me.

No matter what was done in the past, is being done today, or will be done in the future, God is faithful. He loves you, and has a plan for you. Seek Him first, and everything else will fall into place.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

30 Wise Sayings

Among my other Bible reading, I read one chapter from the Book of Proverbs each day. I have done this for years, so you would think I would have them memorized by now... uh, that answer would be no! Recently, as I was reading Proverbs 22, I discovered a heading that said "30 Sayings of the Wise." I thought really? There are only a few verses left in this chapter. Then I discovered that these carry over into chapters 23 and 24. You see, by only reading one chapter a day, I had missed that this was a continued thought.

Now I realize that some of you reading this blog already had this one figured out, but for those of you like me, here is a list of the 30 sayings... I think you will discover that we should all strive to live by these. (I am going to paraphrase these, so I encourage you to get in God's word and read them for yourself.)

1. Don't walk on the poor just because they're poor, and don't use your position to crush the weak.

2. Don't hang out with angry people; don't keep company with hotheads.

3. Don't gamble on the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, hocking your house against a lucky chance.

4. Don't move back the boundary lines staked out by your ancestors.

5. Observe people who are good at their work.

6. When you go to dinner with an influential person, mind your manners.

7. Don't wear yourself out trying to get rich; restrain yourself!

8. Don't accept a meal from a tightwad.

9. Don't bother talking sense to fools.

10. Don't cheat orphans out of their property.

11. Give yourselves to disciplined instruction.

12. Don't be afraid to correct your young ones; a spanking won't kill them.

13. Children, if you become wise, your parents will be happy.

14. Don't for a minute envy careless rebels, soak yourself in the fear of God - that's where your future lies.

15. Don't drink too much wine and get drunk, and don't eat too much food and get fat.

16. Listen with respect to the father who raised you, and when your mother grows old, don't neglect her.

17. A loose woman can get you in deep trouble fast.

18. Don't judge wine by its label, or its bouquet, or its full-bodied flavor. Judge it rather by the hangover it leaves you with, the splitting headache, and the queasy stomach.

19. Don't envy bad people; don't even want to be around them.

20. It takes wisdom to build a house, understanding to set it on a firm foundation, and knowledge to furnish its rooms.

21. It is better to be wise than strong; strategic planning is the key to warfare.

22. Wise conversation is way over the head of fools.

23. The person who's always cooking up some evil soon gets a reputation as prince of rogues.

24. If you fall to pieces in a crisis, there wasn't much to you in the first place.

25. Rescue the perishing; don't hesitate to step in and help.

26. Eat honey, it's good for you. Likewise knowledge, and wisdom for your soul.

27. Don't interfere with good people's lives; don't try to get the best of them.

28. Don't laugh when your enemy falls; don't crow over his collapse.

29. Don't bother your head with braggarts or wish you could succeed like the wicked.

30. Fear God, respect your leaders; don't be defiant or mutinous.

Reference: Proverbs 22:16 - 24:22

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Drive Whatever He Gives You the Keys To

This week, Jason bought a "new" used truck. In doing so, we traded in my "grandma Buick". So now, Jason's old work truck is now my truck. The kids and I are enjoying driving the truck. Truthfully, I am more of a truck woman than a "grandma car" woman. Either way, I like the fact that there is no car payment on my ride. That is a great feeling... one that we had to learn the hard way in our early years of marriage.

I have had people ask me when I am going to get a new car, or if I mind driving an older vehicle. My answer is always the same, "I just drive whatever Jason gives me the keys to." Now I am not saying that I don't like new cars, but I know that a car is just a car. If it runs well, and gets me safely where I am going, that is what is important.

Since Jason is a "horse trader," I have learned through the years to not be attached to stuff. You see, if Jason thinks he can sell something and make a profit, it will be sold. Whether it is something small or large. (many of you know our history with building and selling houses.)

I have learned also, that this is the way we should be with God. God is the one who gives us all that we have. He is the one that directs our paths. We should be willing to take "whatever keys He hands us." He has plans for us, better than anything we can have for ourselves. So don't waste time complaining or being envious. Instead, take those keys from God and enjoy the ride.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

It's the Little Things

A couple of weeks ago, we watched the movie "How to Train Your Dragon." The kids loved it. A few days later, Jason came home after work with two shields that he had made while at work. They were wood cut in a shield shape, and he added strips of leather from an old belt for handles on the back. The kids were very impressed! They have spent hours training their dragons, or whatever else their imagination thinks up. Jason definitely got bonus Daddy of the Year points that day.

As I have watched the kids playing, I have been reminded of special gifts my mama gave to me growing up. The memories that are the best aren't from big, expensive gifts. Rather, they are from little things that she did. One memory in particular comes to mind every time I hear a Lionel Ritchie song. When I was about 14 I commented to my mama that I liked Lionel Ritchie's song "Hello." The next day when I got home from school, the single was there waiting on me. (And yes, I realize I just dated myself as old!) I liked the song before that, but now it is one of my all time favorite songs.

As Christmas approaches, and the wish lists of those we love grows, we tend to get caught up in the commercialism of the holidays. I encourage you to take time to think of the little things. What can you do just to let someone know you are thinking of them? What can you do that will create a memory?