Face to Face or At His Feet

Through the years, I have studied the stories of Mary and Martha. There are three events recorded in the Bible that discuss these sisters. You can read them in Luke 10:38-42, John 11:17-44, and John 12:1-3. As I have studied each of these, I have noticed the way each sister approached Jesus each time.

I am going to start with Martha. She always approached Jesus head on. At her house, she was in the kitchen fretting over the meal, and upset with her sister for not helping. She went to Jesus, and told Him what He should do. She said, "Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me." Notice, she did not ask Jesus, she told Jesus. The next event is when Lazarus has died. When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet Him. She met Him face to face to tell Him that her brother was dead. The final event, does not record Martha speaking with Jesus. It only says that she was there and she was serving. It is very important to note that Martha believed that Jesus was the Christ(John 11:27), and that Jesus loved her (John 11:5).

Now let's look at Mary. At the house, Mary was at the feet of Jesus worshiping and learning. At this Jesus said that "Mary has chosen the good part, which will not be taken away from her." At the death of her brother, she did not approach Jesus until He called for her, and then she fell at His feet. Seeing her weep caused Jesus to "groan in the spirit and be troubled." Finally, in John 12 we see that it was Mary that annoited Jesus' feet with fragrant oil. You see, Mary always approached Jesus at His feet.

Face to Face or At His feet ... How do you approach Jesus? Are you like Martha? Do you meet Jesus head on with the solutions you have already decided are best? Or are you like Mary? Do you worship at His feet and know that what He has is best?

(This blog was originally posted in April of 2010 as "How Do You Approach God?")

Practicing Self Control Around Annoying People

Everyone knows someone who annoys them. Does your reaction reflect that you are a Christian? If you are practicing self-control, it does. You cannot always change someone else, but you can change the way you react to someone.

Galatians 5:22-23 The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentileness, and self-control. Against such there is no law.

If you are a Christian, you have the Spirit of God inside you. When someone is annoying you, the Spirit inside you still loves that person. No matter what our flesh is feeling, the Spirit is still kind and patient toward that person. If we allow our spirit to direct us, we can have self-control. Then our reactions will be in line with what God expects from us.

How do you practice self control?
In John 2, noticed what Jesus did before he drove out the money changers.

John 2:13-16 Now the Passover of the Jew was at hand, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. And He found in the temple those who sold oxen and sheep and doves, and the money changers doing business. When He had made a whip of cords, He drove them all out of the temple, with the sheep and the oxen, and poured out the changers' money and overturned tables. And He said to those who sold doves, "Take these things away! Do not make My Father's house a house of merchandise!"

Before he cleaned out the temple, He made a whip. He removed himself from the situation first, and took time to make a whip out of cords. When you find yourself around someone who annoys you, excuse yourself and evaluate the situation.

While you are away, ask yourself and God these questions...

1. Is it really them, or is it me?
Have you done something to them that you need to get right with them? or Are they reminding you of something that you need to get right with God?

2. Is is something that needs to be addressed?
If so, what is the best way, time, and place to address it?

3. Is it something that you need to overlook?
Somethings just aren't worth the hurt it may cause. You need to ignore it and move on.

As you spend time "making your whip," God will help you better understand both yourself and the person who is annoying you.

Tip/Gratuities = Thankfulness for service

Ok, I am going to try to write this without the venting I feel like doing... please forgive me if I do not accomplish this completely.

Let me begin by sharing that my family enjoys tipping at restaurants. We are regular 15%+ tippers. On the occasions that the service is poor, we still tip. We figure that we don't know what the waiter/waitress is going through, and tip anyway. I honestly cannot remember when we have not tipped... that is until this Monday night.

We were in McKinney, Texas for my son's final golf tournament of the summer. Most of our meals during tournaments are quick and cheap (well if there is such a thing for a family of 4). However, we decided on Monday night to go to a nicer restaurant and be waited on. We decided on a Tex-Mex restaurant that we have never tried before.

The restaurant was nice, and the hostess was very friendly as she seated us. Then we met our waiter. First of all, he looked put out that he had to wait on another table. (By the way, it was a little later in the evening, on a Monday night... it wasn't busy at all.) As we were ordering our drinks, my husband ordered a half and half sweet tea. (In case you don't know, that is half sweet/half unsweet) He orders those every where we go, and has never had a problem. The waiter looked at him as if he had ordered something illegal, or maybe even immoral. Erin and I ordered sweet teas, and then Ethan also ordered a half and half sweet tea. The waiter snorted... out loud! I couldn't believe it. When he brought our drinks, he set Jason's in front of him, and stated in a rather rude tone, "here is your special blend." After placing our order, we laughed about it, and then visited over our chips and salsa.

Then... we needed refills.... As he refilled the drinks, he refilled them all with sweet tea. We decided he didn't like the "special blend" of having to pour from two different pitchers... but we didn't complain. We didn't even complain as he kept leaning over Erin, who was coloring, to pour the tea. If she had raised up, she would have been looking at his arm pit... can you say gross!?!?

Next came the meal... Erin is a very picky eater. If she doesn't like something, she doesn't want it on her plate. So I had ordered her meal with no rice. When her meal arrived, not only did it have rice, it was in the middle of the plate so that it touched everything. This is another no-no with my picky eater. (and yes, we are working on it.) I told the waiter that we had ordered no rice. After checking the ticket in a very indignant manner, he responded, "yes, yes you did." He handed out the rest of the plates. Then he said, "Well, is she allergic to rice?" I bit back my first thought of, "No, are you allergic to tips?" Y'all just don't know how hard that was not to say. Instead, I said no she is not. I then asked Erin if she thought she could eat around the rice. She agreed thankfully, and we did not send the plate back. After the waiter left, Jason and I just looked at each other in amazement.

We didn't see the waiter again until he dropped the ticket at the table. My writing is just not doing justice to the arrogant and rude manner in which this man treated us. The kids know that we are tippers. They also know that we pay with a debit card, and usually include the tip on our card. Ethan noticed that Jason left the tip line blank, and asked about it. Jason explained that a tip is given in appreciation of services rendered. We did not appreciate the manner in which we were treated, and therefore were not going to leave a tip this time.

You would think the story had ended there... nope! This morning, as I was checking our bank account online, something I do daily, I noticed that the waiter had given himself a $10 tip on our card! (For those of you wondering, that would be a 25% tip!!!) So, not only is this man a poor waiter, but he is also a thief! Yes, I will be calling and speaking with a manager today!

As I have thought about this event, I have thought back to one of my first jobs as a waitress. I was taught that I had to earn my tip. Now I realize that wait staff are paid less because the tips are figured in with their salary. I do not believe this is fair... however, I still believe that a tip must be earned. Even with the most disagreeable customers, the motto used to be, "the customer is alway right." Now, you rarely see such a thing.

I feel like this lack of service, and not just in restaurants, is just a sign of the society we live in. We have become a self serving society. We no longer recognize the need to serve others. If it does not benefit us, we are not interested. This is clearly against Biblical teaching. We are to serve one another in love. This is a lesson we all need to remember... yes, including me.

For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. Galatians 5:13

An Important part of Marriage: Laughter

A few years ago, our family was going through a tough time. We had moved to a new town for a job that turned out to be a lot less than what was promised. We were struggling financially, and living in a town with no family or close friends. This was causing a strain on our marriage.

Though we both were praying for direction, for guidance, for deliverance... we both were also miserable. Jason, who is prone to worry (although this area has improved greatly) was trying desperately to "fix" the situation we were in. I am just the opposite of Jason, the forever optimist. I was trying to encourage him. However, I was not encouraging in a way that helped him. I was trying to give him pep talks. But to him, it seemed more like I was reprimanding him for not letting his worry go. I should have been listening instead of talking. Giving counsel instead of telling what I thought he was doing wrong.

One night, Jason said or did something that made me laugh. Not just a little snicker, but a real laugh. The type that brought tears to my eyes and made me lose my breath. I don't remember what it was, and truthfully, it probably wasn't that funny. However, it made us both laugh hard and long. He was mostly laughing a me... but still laughing.

As the laughter finished, we both realized that we had not laughed together in months! We missed it. That little bit of laughter turned around our whole attitudes. We sat down and discussed our situation. Prayed together, and trusted God together. Our whole outlook changed... and our circumstances began to change as well.

I recently saw this picture on Facebook:

I am here to testify that yes, laughter does make marriage better.

Proverbs 17:22(NLT) A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.

One Proud Mama

I am often proud of my children. Let's face it, most mamas are often proud of their children. Today I am especially proud of Ethan. For those of you that don't know, he is a golfer. He loves it, and has played since he could walk. He is 12, and loves telling people that he has been playing for 11 years. During the summer, we travel all over north east Texas for him to play in junior tournaments. Usually, the whole family is able to go. However, Jason couldn't get off. So Erin stayed with him, and I took Ethan to his tournament. We woke up at 4 am and traveled 3 hours for him to play today. He had a great round of golf, and posted the W (that means he won) in his age group. Yes, I am proud of the win, but that is not what has made me the Proud Mama I am tonight. Three other things happened today that I am most proud of.

First of all, Ethan's round of golf started pretty rough. He double bogeyed first hole, then bogeyed his second and third hole. That is enough to ruin anybody's attitude, but he maintained his composure. (This is an area we have been working on.) It is easy to have a few bad holes, get frustrated, and just give up on the whole round. He never did this. After 5 holes, he was 5 over par. (Not so great) Then he got in a groove... he finished the day 5 over par! (Again, for those of you that don't know golf... that is a great round!) By keeping his attitude under control, he came back and won the tournament. Yes, this made me proud.

Second, the boy he was paired with today, Evan, started out having a good round, and then blew up. He had one bad hole, and then could not get re-focused. He became very frustrated (to the point of tears although I was not supposed to see those). Ethan has been in this same position before. He understood what Evan was feeling. Ethan wasn't overbearing, but took every chance he could to encourage Evan. By the end of the round, Evan got his composure back, and finished strong. As a matter of fact, he finished 2nd. I was already proud of Ethan, but then Evan's father told me that he was glad that his son was playing with Ethan today. He said he could tell that Ethan was a good kid. He was glad that if his son was going to blow up, that it was Ethan he was playing with. Yep, that made me very proud.

The final thing that makes me proud happened after the round was over... but started before it ever began. This morning when we arrived at the course, we discovered that the man in charge had arrived late. (This was due to a series of events he could not help.) He was not set up, and therefore could not check the players in upon arrival. That meant he had to check them in during announcement/instruction time. While Ethan was on the driving range, everyone was called in 15 minutes sooner than on a normal day. Ethan had not hit any of his woods... this frustrated him. He began fussing loudly! No other players were around, but he was loud enough for the man in charge to hear. Of course I scolded him, and told him to get over it. I didn't think any more about it. However, after the round was over, Ethan asked me if he should apologize to the man. I told him that would be a good thing for him to do. So we waited until after the medal ceremony and Ethan approached the man and apologized for his earlier behavior. The man had not heard, (or was gracious enough to say he didn't), but was appreciative, and a little surprised at Ethan apologizing. This may have made me the most proud!

As I think back through today, I realized that in the midst of the numerous mistakes Jason and I (mostly I) make as parents, we must be doing something right as well. We are very proud of the young man he is, and pray daily that he will continue to grow in God. We also pray that we will have discernment as we direct him to be the man God has planned for him to be.

Ok, I am through bragging about my kid ... for now ... ;-)

Interpreter Needed

A few years ago, we were in the middle of flipping a house. Jason had a framer there that spoke with a mexican accent, and a plumber with a redneck dialect. At one point, the plumber had misplaced his drill and wanted to know if the framer had seen it. Both men were standing in the kitchen area, speaking English, and yet neither could understand the other. Jason had to step up and be the interpreter... please remember they were all speaking English! My story here can not begin to describe just how funny the scene was. Literally, one man would speak, then look at Jason who would turn to the other and repeat what was said. I had to leave the room so I would not laugh out loud. We have laughed many times through the years about Jason being the job site interpreter!

We laugh about this, but I wonder how often do we need an interpreter... even when we are speaking or typing the same language. In an age where there is so much communication with text, emails, Facebook, and twitter, I think we may sometimes need an interpreter for the typed word. When you are speaking with someone, you can hear their voice inflection, you can watch their body language, and you can view their facial expressions. (Obviously if you are on the phone, you have to rely strictly on voice inflection.) These cues help us to interpret what has been said. However, when we read something it doesn't always come with inflection attached. We try to add smileys or abbreviations to help, but that still doesn't always put the correct emphasis on what was said. There have been many feelings hurt, and relationships busted simply because someone misinterpreted what they read.

Recently, I was involved in a situation where something was said on Facebook in a joking, yet loving way. Another person read it, believed it to be ugly, (because this person did not have all the facts), and passed it on to others with the wrong interpretation. Now, what was meant as a term of endearment, has been perceived as derogatory, and strife was the result.

Communicating through technology is so easy. So how can we combat the misunderstandings.

First of all, we need to let God be our interpreter. When we read something that we are not sure about, we need to ask God to help us understand what was meant. Ask Him to give you a peace about what was said. You may need to ask the person who said it to clarify what was meant. If you do, you will want to do that with a peaceful spirit, not a confrontational one. If indeed you had not misunderstood, you will need God's peace to deal with it. Above all, you need to handle the situation one on one... don't call up, text, twitter, or Facebook a bunch of others to get them just as stirred up as you are.

And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. Colossians 3:15

Second, we need to think before we type. Instead of just quipping something out there, we need to consider what implications may come with that. A friend of my runs this little test before she says something:

Is it true?

Is it honest?

Is it just?

Is it pure?

Is it lovely?

Is it a good report?

Is there any virtue in it?

Is it praiseworthy?

If not, then try to think of a way to turn it into one of the above before saying it or sharing it.

Think on things so great things found in Philippians 4:8

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. Philippians 4:8

If we would all run this same test, I think we would have a lot fewer misunderstandings, and fewer needs for an interpreter.

Honor Your Husband

I recently became aware of something I was doing, that was causing dishonor to my husband. I was involved in an activity (though not bad, and with Jason's permission) caused someone else to look poorly at Jason. At first I didn't recognize it... maybe because what I was doing was a good thing or maybe just because I enjoyed the activity. At any rate, for a few weeks my involvement gave the impression to someone else that Jason was not the spiritual leader of our family. Maybe even that he was slacking off as a father. Both of which are untrue.

My first instinct was just to ignore the opinion of this other person. After all, I know the truth, and anyone who knows Jason, knows the truth. I even joked about it some. Yea, probably not my best wife moment ever... sadly, not my worst. However, God placed a couple of verses on my heart... neither new to me, but they were coming to mind more and more frequently.

Proverbs 31:12 (NKJV) She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.

Ephesians 5:33 (NKJV) Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

As I began meditating on these more and more, I began asking God, "How do these apply to this situation?" I try to do Jason good and not evil, and I try to respect him. I didn't believe that my actions were applicable to either of these verses. Now true enough, my actions alone were not causing evil or disrespect. However, my actions were giving the appearance to someone else that my husband was not doing his job as husband and father. Because it was my actions that gave this appearance... even if only to a few people ... I was causing dishonor to him.

I have apologized to Jason, and I told Jason that I would no longer be involved in this activity. He did tell me I did not have to quit, because he knew I enjoyed it. But I knew that being involved with anything that brought dishonor to my husband... even if in appearance only ... would no longer be an activity I could enjoy. I think also, I have gained just a little more of his respect by honoring him above all else.

Is there anything you are doing that is dishonoring your husband? Either out right or in appearance? If you are unsure, ask God to show you. Ask your husband, and then listen without becoming defensive. If there is, turn from it, and honor your husband. God will bless you and your marriage for it.