An Important part of Marriage: Laughter

A few years ago, our family was going through a tough time. We had moved to a new town for a job that turned out to be a lot less than what was promised. We were struggling financially, and living in a town with no family or close friends. This was causing a strain on our marriage.

Though we both were praying for direction, for guidance, for deliverance... we both were also miserable. Jason, who is prone to worry (although this area has improved greatly) was trying desperately to "fix" the situation we were in. I am just the opposite of Jason, the forever optimist. I was trying to encourage him. However, I was not encouraging in a way that helped him. I was trying to give him pep talks. But to him, it seemed more like I was reprimanding him for not letting his worry go. I should have been listening instead of talking. Giving counsel instead of telling what I thought he was doing wrong.

One night, Jason said or did something that made me laugh. Not just a little snicker, but a real laugh. The type that brought tears to my eyes and made me lose my breath. I don't remember what it was, and truthfully, it probably wasn't that funny. However, it made us both laugh hard and long. He was mostly laughing a me... but still laughing.

As the laughter finished, we both realized that we had not laughed together in months! We missed it. That little bit of laughter turned around our whole attitudes. We sat down and discussed our situation. Prayed together, and trusted God together. Our whole outlook changed... and our circumstances began to change as well.

I recently saw this picture on Facebook:

I am here to testify that yes, laughter does make marriage better.

Proverbs 17:22(NLT) A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.

One Proud Mama

I am often proud of my children. Let's face it, most mamas are often proud of their children. Today I am especially proud of Ethan. For those of you that don't know, he is a golfer. He loves it, and has played since he could walk. He is 12, and loves telling people that he has been playing for 11 years. During the summer, we travel all over north east Texas for him to play in junior tournaments. Usually, the whole family is able to go. However, Jason couldn't get off. So Erin stayed with him, and I took Ethan to his tournament. We woke up at 4 am and traveled 3 hours for him to play today. He had a great round of golf, and posted the W (that means he won) in his age group. Yes, I am proud of the win, but that is not what has made me the Proud Mama I am tonight. Three other things happened today that I am most proud of.

First of all, Ethan's round of golf started pretty rough. He double bogeyed first hole, then bogeyed his second and third hole. That is enough to ruin anybody's attitude, but he maintained his composure. (This is an area we have been working on.) It is easy to have a few bad holes, get frustrated, and just give up on the whole round. He never did this. After 5 holes, he was 5 over par. (Not so great) Then he got in a groove... he finished the day 5 over par! (Again, for those of you that don't know golf... that is a great round!) By keeping his attitude under control, he came back and won the tournament. Yes, this made me proud.

Second, the boy he was paired with today, Evan, started out having a good round, and then blew up. He had one bad hole, and then could not get re-focused. He became very frustrated (to the point of tears although I was not supposed to see those). Ethan has been in this same position before. He understood what Evan was feeling. Ethan wasn't overbearing, but took every chance he could to encourage Evan. By the end of the round, Evan got his composure back, and finished strong. As a matter of fact, he finished 2nd. I was already proud of Ethan, but then Evan's father told me that he was glad that his son was playing with Ethan today. He said he could tell that Ethan was a good kid. He was glad that if his son was going to blow up, that it was Ethan he was playing with. Yep, that made me very proud.

The final thing that makes me proud happened after the round was over... but started before it ever began. This morning when we arrived at the course, we discovered that the man in charge had arrived late. (This was due to a series of events he could not help.) He was not set up, and therefore could not check the players in upon arrival. That meant he had to check them in during announcement/instruction time. While Ethan was on the driving range, everyone was called in 15 minutes sooner than on a normal day. Ethan had not hit any of his woods... this frustrated him. He began fussing loudly! No other players were around, but he was loud enough for the man in charge to hear. Of course I scolded him, and told him to get over it. I didn't think any more about it. However, after the round was over, Ethan asked me if he should apologize to the man. I told him that would be a good thing for him to do. So we waited until after the medal ceremony and Ethan approached the man and apologized for his earlier behavior. The man had not heard, (or was gracious enough to say he didn't), but was appreciative, and a little surprised at Ethan apologizing. This may have made me the most proud!

As I think back through today, I realized that in the midst of the numerous mistakes Jason and I (mostly I) make as parents, we must be doing something right as well. We are very proud of the young man he is, and pray daily that he will continue to grow in God. We also pray that we will have discernment as we direct him to be the man God has planned for him to be.

Ok, I am through bragging about my kid ... for now ... ;-)

Interpreter Needed

A few years ago, we were in the middle of flipping a house. Jason had a framer there that spoke with a mexican accent, and a plumber with a redneck dialect. At one point, the plumber had misplaced his drill and wanted to know if the framer had seen it. Both men were standing in the kitchen area, speaking English, and yet neither could understand the other. Jason had to step up and be the interpreter... please remember they were all speaking English! My story here can not begin to describe just how funny the scene was. Literally, one man would speak, then look at Jason who would turn to the other and repeat what was said. I had to leave the room so I would not laugh out loud. We have laughed many times through the years about Jason being the job site interpreter!

We laugh about this, but I wonder how often do we need an interpreter... even when we are speaking or typing the same language. In an age where there is so much communication with text, emails, Facebook, and twitter, I think we may sometimes need an interpreter for the typed word. When you are speaking with someone, you can hear their voice inflection, you can watch their body language, and you can view their facial expressions. (Obviously if you are on the phone, you have to rely strictly on voice inflection.) These cues help us to interpret what has been said. However, when we read something it doesn't always come with inflection attached. We try to add smileys or abbreviations to help, but that still doesn't always put the correct emphasis on what was said. There have been many feelings hurt, and relationships busted simply because someone misinterpreted what they read.

Recently, I was involved in a situation where something was said on Facebook in a joking, yet loving way. Another person read it, believed it to be ugly, (because this person did not have all the facts), and passed it on to others with the wrong interpretation. Now, what was meant as a term of endearment, has been perceived as derogatory, and strife was the result.

Communicating through technology is so easy. So how can we combat the misunderstandings.

First of all, we need to let God be our interpreter. When we read something that we are not sure about, we need to ask God to help us understand what was meant. Ask Him to give you a peace about what was said. You may need to ask the person who said it to clarify what was meant. If you do, you will want to do that with a peaceful spirit, not a confrontational one. If indeed you had not misunderstood, you will need God's peace to deal with it. Above all, you need to handle the situation one on one... don't call up, text, twitter, or Facebook a bunch of others to get them just as stirred up as you are.

And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. Colossians 3:15

Second, we need to think before we type. Instead of just quipping something out there, we need to consider what implications may come with that. A friend of my runs this little test before she says something:

Is it true?

Is it honest?

Is it just?

Is it pure?

Is it lovely?

Is it a good report?

Is there any virtue in it?

Is it praiseworthy?

If not, then try to think of a way to turn it into one of the above before saying it or sharing it.

Think on things so great things found in Philippians 4:8

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. Philippians 4:8

If we would all run this same test, I think we would have a lot fewer misunderstandings, and fewer needs for an interpreter.

Honor Your Husband

I recently became aware of something I was doing, that was causing dishonor to my husband. I was involved in an activity (though not bad, and with Jason's permission) caused someone else to look poorly at Jason. At first I didn't recognize it... maybe because what I was doing was a good thing or maybe just because I enjoyed the activity. At any rate, for a few weeks my involvement gave the impression to someone else that Jason was not the spiritual leader of our family. Maybe even that he was slacking off as a father. Both of which are untrue.

My first instinct was just to ignore the opinion of this other person. After all, I know the truth, and anyone who knows Jason, knows the truth. I even joked about it some. Yea, probably not my best wife moment ever... sadly, not my worst. However, God placed a couple of verses on my heart... neither new to me, but they were coming to mind more and more frequently.

Proverbs 31:12 (NKJV) She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.

Ephesians 5:33 (NKJV) Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

As I began meditating on these more and more, I began asking God, "How do these apply to this situation?" I try to do Jason good and not evil, and I try to respect him. I didn't believe that my actions were applicable to either of these verses. Now true enough, my actions alone were not causing evil or disrespect. However, my actions were giving the appearance to someone else that my husband was not doing his job as husband and father. Because it was my actions that gave this appearance... even if only to a few people ... I was causing dishonor to him.

I have apologized to Jason, and I told Jason that I would no longer be involved in this activity. He did tell me I did not have to quit, because he knew I enjoyed it. But I knew that being involved with anything that brought dishonor to my husband... even if in appearance only ... would no longer be an activity I could enjoy. I think also, I have gained just a little more of his respect by honoring him above all else.

Is there anything you are doing that is dishonoring your husband? Either out right or in appearance? If you are unsure, ask God to show you. Ask your husband, and then listen without becoming defensive. If there is, turn from it, and honor your husband. God will bless you and your marriage for it.

Mother Bear? Me?

I have always heard how protective a mother bear is when protecting her cubs. Well, truthfully, that applies to most mothers when protecting their children... including me... just now! Really, I am still laughing about what just happened... laughing yet still concerned and even annoyed. Let me share so you can get this vision as well.

My kids are in the back yard playing with the water hose and a wading pool. We have a completely fenced in back yard. There are two gates, both of which you have to walk through our yard to get to them. So imagine my surprise when Ethan comes in and tells me that a man was just in our backyard taking a picture of our roof. Now first of all, my husband owns a construction business, so I run through a list of men that I thought it might have been. (Thinking that Jason forgot to tell me someone was coming by) No. Ethan said that he did not know this man. So I walk out back, and look around. Ethan told me which gate the man left by. So I ran through the house out the front door to try to catch him. Now get this full picture... I am barefoot and unarmed (mental note, need baseball bat near door), yet I am headed outside looking for an unknown man, and yes quite ready to do battle if needed.

Quick side note: While I am in search of the man, Ethan had "herded" Erin to protection... yes he is going to be a good husband and dad one day.

As I bound off the front porch, looking for some man, a truck is taking off from in front of the house. He notices me, and stops. Let me add here that he did look concerned that I was about to hurt him (or at least give it a good effort). He immediately says, "It was me." As I am looking at him, I didn't know him. He must have figured that out, because he was quickly spitting his words out to give me the full story. (I am telling you, I had this man just a little nervous.)

It turns out, he was our home insurance rep. We just recently switched carriers, and he was here to take pictures. So the reason he was here was legitimate. However, he should have let me know he was here. And I think, that I made enough of an impression that he will not make that mistake again with anyone.

Now honestly, I don't know what I would have done had I caught this man, and he was indeed up to no good. I do know that when I felt my children were in danger, I went into protective action. Yes, I became a mother bear!

So, I bet you are asking, "What is the point to this story?" because I always have a point. Well, here is what I have taken away from this... I am thankful that God has us in His protection at all times... even when we are unsure about what is happening. I am thankful that when we make stupid mistakes (like my insurance man), we can learn from it, and God is faithful to forgive. I am thankful that when I run off without thinking through my actions, God watches over me and protects me. And finally, I am thankful that I can laugh at myself as I envision what I must have looked like bounding out the front door.

30 Wise Sayings

I was reading through Proverbs this morning, and was reminded of this post from my archives: November 2010

Among my other Bible reading, I read one chapter from the Book of Proverbs each day. I have done this for years, so you would think I would have them memorized by now... uh, that answer would be no! Recently, as I was reading Proverbs 22, I discovered a heading that said "30 Sayings of the Wise." I thought really? There are only a few verses left in this chapter. Then I discovered that these carry over into chapters 23 and 24. You see, by only reading one chapter a day, I had missed that this was a continued thought.

Now I realize that some of you reading this blog already had this one figured out, but for those of you like me, here is a list of the 30 sayings... I think you will discover that we should all strive to live by these. (I am going to paraphrase these, so I encourage you to get in God's word and read them for yourself.)

1. Don't walk on the poor just because they're poor, and don't use your position to crush the weak.

2. Don't hang out with angry people; don't keep company with hotheads.

3. Don't gamble on the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, hocking your house against a lucky chance.

4. Don't move back the boundary lines staked out by your ancestors.

5. Observe people who are good at their work.

6. When you go to dinner with an influential person, mind your manners.

7. Don't wear yourself out trying to get rich; restrain yourself!

8. Don't accept a meal from a tightwad.

9. Don't bother talking sense to fools.

10. Don't cheat orphans out of their property.

11. Give yourselves to disciplined instruction.

12. Don't be afraid to correct your young ones; a spanking won't kill them.

13. Children, if you become wise, your parents will be happy.

14. Don't for a minute envy careless rebels, soak yourself in the fear of God - that's where your future lies.

15. Don't drink too much wine and get drunk, and don't eat too much food and get fat.

16. Listen with respect to the father who raised you, and when your mother grows old, don't neglect her.

17. A loose woman can get you in deep trouble fast.

18. Don't judge wine by its label, or its bouquet, or its full-bodied flavor. Judge it rather by the hangover it leaves you with, the splitting headache, and the queasy stomach.

19. Don't envy bad people; don't even want to be around them.

20. It takes wisdom to build a house, understanding to set it on a firm foundation, and knowledge to furnish its rooms.

21. It is better to be wise than strong; strategic planning is the key to warfare.

22. Wise conversation is way over the head of fools.

23. The person who's always cooking up some evil soon gets a reputation as prince of rogues.

24. If you fall to pieces in a crisis, there wasn't much to you in the first place.

25. Rescue the perishing; don't hesitate to step in and help.

26. Eat honey, it's good for you. Likewise knowledge, and wisdom for your soul.

27. Don't interfere with good people's lives; don't try to get the best of them.

28. Don't laugh when your enemy falls; don't crow over his collapse.

29. Don't bother your head with braggarts or wish you could succeed like the wicked.

30. Fear God, respect your leaders; don't be defiant or mutinous.

Reference: Proverbs 22:16 - 24:22

From Bitterness to Restoration

This blog is out of my archives from June 2010.

I have always loved the book of Ruth. I have considered it a book about love, and it is. However, as I was reading it a few weeks ago, God showed me this book is also a book about restoration. This blog will focus on God changing Namoi's life from one of bitterness to one restored.

In the beginning of the book we discover that because of a famine, Namoi's husband takes her and their two sons to another land. After arriving there, her husband dies. Her two sons marry and they live for 10 years. Then, they die. This leaves Namoi, and her two daughters-in-law alone. Namoi decides to return home. As they are traveling, Namoi tries to convince the younger women to return to their families. Orpah does return, but Ruth refuses to turn back.

In chapter 1 verse 13, Namoi says "God has dealt me a hard blow." When life gets hard, we made poor decisions, or someone else makes a poor decision that effects us, we often look for someone to blame. Naomi blamed God. She believed that God had forsaken her. As we read, we can see that God had a plan for both Naomi and Ruth.

When they arrived in Bethlehem, other women recognized Naomi, and asked about her. Namoi was quick to tell them that now she was Mara. Mara means bitter. We no longer change our names to match what we are feeling, but the way we behave does change. The name Namoi means beautiful, pleasant, delightful. She was no longer feeling these things... she was BITTER!

Ruth decided to go into the fields to glean among the sheaves. As a foreigner, she knew that she was at the mercy of the land owner. Chapter 2 verse 3 says that "eventually she ended up in the part of the field owned by Boaz..." God had led her to this field. God also caused Boaz to notice Ruth, and to favor her. God uses people to bless and favor you. He also uses you to bless and favor others.

When Ruth returned at the end of the day to Namoi, and told her all that had happened, Naomi recognized that God had indeed not left them. It was at this point that she realized that God was with them in the hard times and in the good. She could have overlooked this, but instead she chose to recognize it as God's hand.

As we know, Boaz marries Ruth, and they have a son. This son is presented to Naomi, and her restoration is complete. She went from being a bitter widow in a foreign land, to the great, great grandmother of David. The woman who believed God had dealt her a hard blow, had instead received great blessing.

There is an old saying that time heals all wounds... this does not apply to bitterness. If you allow bitterness in, it will grow, fester, and consume your life. Guard your heart to not allow discouragement and anger to become bitterness. If bitterness has already set in, you must make a choice to recognize when God is working... Look for His blessings in your life... Thank Him for all that He is doing... and Receive Restoration.